Outside myself.

I am in a room of people, I can smell a mixture of cheap perfume, aftershave that has been applied heavily, there is a undertone of body odour from a day in the office


My feet are hurting, damm these heels! I know they look good, but they are not worth the pain, my hair is done up, for a change I decided to tie it up, not so much hair in my face


As I am about to go & find a drink, I notice out of the corner of my eye a woman looking back at me, she has put effort into how she looks, but her hair is messy, not smoothly tied up, & the make up, no there is no make up


I breathe & it hits me, that is me! I forgot make up, my hair is a bit of a mess, my top is a too loose, my pant…. STOP


All of a sudden the anxiety express starts, my breathing starts to increase, there is a layer of sweat on my hands, the room is hot, too hot, my chest, the pain is starting again


I struggle to get out the door, walking into people & spilling drinks, I know everyone is looking, wondering who invited the crazy girl


They will be thinking I look like a mess, no effort put into how I look, they will think I am drunk, the reason I can’t walk straight


I get outside, I sit down & curl my knees up, I know what I have to do now, talk the anxiety back into it’s box


As hard as I try, the anxiety keeps clawing & biting, taking all my strength, until with one last try down it goes, time for me to go, I can make it home


This is the reason I stay at home, I can only go out when I am feeling strong, stronger then anxiety.

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