It all makes sense.

I often have that feeling of being watched when I sit outside, it’s there during the day, but at night it can be quite intense. I have never been able to figure out why, I still don’t know, but I have been researching & leant some interesting facts.

I am a lover of history, all sorts, I wondered what was here before this house. I am aware the traditional land owners are the Wurundjeri & Bunorong tribes. This is something I highly respect.

So I went researching, I found out some very interesting facts. I live on the outskirts of eastern Melbourne, semi rural area, right next to a small National park.

This park has only recently been changed from a state reserve to a national reserve, there are endangered species that live there, I thought nothing of it.

The park used to be a goldfield, the biggest situated so close to Melbourne, I have no idea how I did not know this. It was a highly profitable gold field, also due to the extreme cold in winter & heat in summer there were a high amount of deaths.

There was a huge fire that took the church & chapel, they were not rebuilt on the same location. I was quite intrigued by this, I have never known this to be a gold area. There are tulip & flower farms, tourist areas to see the forest, feed the cockatoos.

Turns out this was deliberate, to stop the gold traffic. Once no more was found, a wealthy farmer purchased a huge amount of land, he started to grow flowers, the land was perfect for flowers.

It started a new farming industry, they did so well a lot of the farms around have been here for over a hundred & fifty years, which for Australia is very old!!!

Disassociation.

Ever been so hurt you can’t cry, you can’t move, you are stuck

Stuck in no mans land full of pain, rejection & emptiness

The person who hurt you is standing right there, they are not aware you can not move

They have gone into another place, they have dissociated

This was not their intent, they did not mean to, but in a moment of anger

To protect themselves, without meaning to they locked the emotions away

The way they look at you, the love is just not there, locked up for the moment

Along with the care & understanding, they are right there watching you cry

It hurts, it cuts so deep you can’t express the pain you are in

They just don’t seem to care at all, this is like jagged glass cutting your heart in half

The pain goes into your every cell, you can feel yourself slipping straight into the dark hole

The pain is so intense it almost knocks you out, maybe that would be better you think

Then a little part of you remembers it’s not their fault

This is a part of them they can’t always control

They can control coming back, you know this inside

You know they want to, but the resistance within them is so strong

You are the anchor to their ship that tries to sail away

Stand up out of that dark hole, don’t let them look away

Show them your pain, show them you care, show them you will be there

Take them in your arms, let them relax & feel safe for a minute

Then ask them to look within, to find the embers of the fire that burns for you

Tell them to Stoke that fire, bring them back to you

As hard as it is, you know this will happen again, you will need to rescue them

You know also that the love you have is more fulfilling & joyous then the occasional pain of the disassociation.